March 20, 2018

In two weeks I move into a new decade of life.  It's not the number that scares me, it's what I bring to it as I write this.
After 10 successful years of having my own business, it can no longer support itself or me.  And what scares me the most is the reality of having to let it all go and walk into the unknown.
How do I make a living from here on?
Someone recently said to me, "you have been in survival mode for so long that you can't see past today...".  Truer words were never said to me.  And yet I am in a state of inertia, fear and doubt.
I suppose I can do almost anything.  I can try everything.  But I have become immobile and lazy at searching out my options.  What is it I'm waiting for?

I mustn't remain at this state long or I will miss the opportunity of getting back on that galloping horse.  And yet, I feel numb and closed minded, sitting back to think instead of doing.

I don't want to admit depression.  I have always been a sunny and positive person, but life has a way of beating one down when things don't work out.  Finances are dwindling and all I can do is hug my big dog and put everything off "until tomorrow."

I have gone dark.  My hope is small and all I want to do is sleep the day away.
I must rekindle the light of my soul  or risk forever living in the darkness of my own creating.